CECmisc.82


TITLE:  Positive Communication

AUTHOR:  DeEtta Lessar, Lathrop Park Youth Camp;
         Golden, Colorado

GRADE LEVEL/SUBJECT:  7-12  Conflict Resolution

OVERVIEW:  Establishing a positive sense of self is an
important part of being able to handle conflicts
productively.  Students and adults alike receive blatant and
subtle put-downs almost daily--often in confused attempts to
build friendship--and these soon become ingrained and
accepted as facts.  Put downs block learning and discourage
people from being in control of their own lives.  We are all
affected by it, directly or indirectly.  By affirming
ourselves and having another person listen to us, we build
self-esteem and new ways of communication early on and
provide students with such an experience.

OBJECTIVE(s):
1.  to give students an experience of affirming
    communication.
2.  to counteract put-downs and set the tone for future
    classes.
3.  to show how affirmation can make positive changes in
    people and make them more willing to resolve
    conflicts.

    Time:  20-30 minutes

ACTIVITIES AND PROCEDURES:
 1.  Explain to the students that you are going to do an
     exercise about affirmation.  Ask someone if they know
     what affirmations are and give an example.  Demonstrate
     one yourself for the class.  Tell them we are going to
     do this exercise because:
     a.  it reminds us that we are all of value.
     b.  it helps us meet the put downs that we receive.
     c.  it builds our self-esteem and helps us get to
         know another person better.
     d.  it shows us how feeling good about ourselves and
         each other helps us resolve conflicts.

 2.  Tell them the group will be divided into pairs.  Each
     person will talk for 1 to 3 minutes on "What I like
     about myself."  The only rule is that you may not say
     anything negative or bad about yourself, or put any
     limitations on the good things about yourself.  For
     example, you can't say that you are a good friend,
     except when you forgot to wish them a Happy Birthday.

 3.  Have each person pick a letter A or B  Then, tell them
     A will be the first listener and B the first speaker.
     Tell the students that they will have to introduce
     their partner to another pair or to the whole group
     after each have finished talking.  Tell them they will
     "start" to begin and "time" to end.

 4.  Explain to the listeners that their role is to:
     a.  Listen intently without talking for the whole
         time--if the other person runs out of ideas,
         remain interested but silent.
     b.  Remind the other person if and when they say
         something negative about themselves;
     c.  Use body language to show you are interested.

 5.  Ask if everybody understands.  Divide up into pairs
     (pick a fun way of doing this i.e. birthdays, height,
     etc.)  Have them decide who will go first.

 6.  Say "start."  Call "time" when 1-3 minutes are up, and
     repeat.

 7.  Ask each pair to visit another pair and introduce them
     to the new pair.  Or, have them introduce their partner
     to the whole group.

 8.  Gather in the whole group and ask:
     How did it go?
     What did it feel like?  To be the speaker? Listener?
     Why do you think it's so hard?

 9.  Talk to them about put downs, about how often you hear
     them at school or at home, about what it feels like.
     Ask them would they be willing to use affirmations for
     the next few days?

10.  Conclude by explaining that people want to feel good
     about themselves and when they don't, they don't have
     much strength when something difficult happens, and may
     cause unnecessary conflict.  That your classroom has
     rules about no put downs and that you want people to
     feel good about themselves in class.

FURTHER SUGGESTIONS:
Make a Put Down and Put Up bowl, and have the students count
how many they hear or see throughout the day, and put a slip
of paper/M&M in the bowl that represents each one.  After a
week, look at the bowl.  Tell them they can have all the
M&M's in the Put Up bowl at the end of the second week or
some time frame.